Something Wicked This Way Comes…
Here we are again, a massive snow storm approaches and it instantly turns everyone into an idiot. These are my observations from the past 24 winters of my existence.
1. Everyone either forgets they can’t drive worth a damn in the snow, or they legitimately think they are good drivers.
2. Everyone raids every store in striking distance for eggs, bread and milk. I’m not sure of the thinking on this one, but I was unable to get my oat nut bread this morning at the store, and that pisses me off. How can I have bacon, eggs and potatoes in the morning without toast? Exactly, I can’t.
3. News organizations start writing stories about the storm as it snow in the winter is an extreme event that is news worthy. Actually I’m not sure if they do write them, its probably the same story every storm. Here is a short excerpt from every snow storm story ever:
Snow! AHHH! Disruptions! Delays! AHHH! As you can see behind me, this man is snowblowing! AHHH! Snow! The snow is coming down fast! AHHH!
4. People rush to the airports to try and get the last plane out of Dodge City. As if storms are freak occurrences that require you to rush. Listen people, they tell you when its going to storm about a week in advance. Change your damn flight ahead of time so we can prevent interviews with people stuck at an airport also occurring on the news. Here is an interview with me stuck at an airport:
Reporter: What are your plans now that the hotels are full and you can’t get a plane?
Me: My plans? Are you mocking me? Why don’t you shut the hell up before me and the rest of the angry mob stuck here kick your ass.
5. I am convinced that the drivers of snowplows wait just up the road and around the corner and wait until I have my driveway snow blowed and than as soon as I go inside, they come roaring past and leave 3 feet of compacted snow for me to deal with. I’m not one for government conspiracy theories but this one is my grassy knoll. I mean every storm for about the last 15 years, even though I’ve lived in three different cities and 5 different houses/buildings.
6. The weather man is never right, and should be burned. There is no other profession where you can be wrong every time but still not get fired. Except perhaps in politics.